A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: Piiig.

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- A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"
- And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"
- And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"
- And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."

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- A son asked his mother, "Why are wedding dresses white?"
- She replied, "It shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."
- Then the son went and asked the same question of his father.
- "All household appliances come in white." said his father.

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